When you don't know if you can be thankful during Thanksgiving

 As we begin our Thanksgiving celebrations I have to say I am thankful for my family and for Jesus.

My family has been through a lot over the past 2 years, but even more so the last few months and unfortunatley even more the past few weeks. It has been incredibly hard to "commune" with those who to our faces have been one way but behind our backs have been nasty. I have been in constant prayer over things that have been said and done asking the Lord to intervene on our behalf. Begging the Lord to move us or move them, DREADING interactions where we have to be in the same facility. Realizing that those I thought were freinds, could not have ever been becuase to be a freind is to KNOW someone. To say and do the things that have been said and done, there is NO way there was ever a source of true freindship there. I have learned that you can have moments with people and moments can last over a period of time but that doesnt mean they are friends. I have learend that spiritual growth doesnt necessarily mean you dug in to the word and developed a deeper understanding by doing a Bible study, but rather becuase you are walking some of the darkest and hardest days. I have learned that when I cannot lift my hands or open my mouth to sing in church that the fact I am still going despite the absolute horrible actions and words spoken against you is a sacrifice of praise. I didnt let it stop me from going, even though I wanted to. And although some days I couldnt open my mouth the Lord knew my heart and how broken it was/is. But despite it all I have my family, I have Jesus and while I wish things were different in areas of my life I'm grateful I can lean on Him. I have searched my heart, and I have asked him to search me too and we are good and clean. The source of issue is jealousy and a desire for control and those people are hellbent on getting their way and taking anyone and anything down in their way. They will stand before Jesus accountable for all actions and thats enough for me. So as we are asked what are we thankful for, although it may be hard to find the good I am clinging to the absolute best around - my family and Jesus. Without Him I am nothing but with Him all things are possible even when it feels like hope is lost He reminds me that its not. My family is strong and resilient. When one is impacted we all feel it, thats what is happening here. But we will continue to approach this like we do everything else, hunkered down together.

So when we are going around the table sharing what we are thankful for, I will dig deep and remember I am thankful for my family and Jesus, becuase despite how bad things can feel from time to time, those two things are so much greater!